Polyamory and Corsets OR My Saturday

 On Saturday we went to the Pennsylvania Renaissance Faire AND Dorian's Parlor! As always, both events were awesome!

Much to everyone's surprise, we actually got out of the house 15 minutes after our intended departure time, this is amazing because I am always late, and was running on very little sleep. We picked up my mom at the Globe and journeyed forth to Lancaster to enjoy the Queen's medieval festivities. Mom and I love the Loony & Ploppy Show so we saw that first, even though we couldn't really see from where we sat. We also saw three of the Rakish Rogues, Sultry Sirens of Sin, Rogue & Siren shows, all of which were hilarious! Giant turkey legs and hot cider were consumed. I got a lot of compliments on my costume (I wasn't green on Saturday), and Mom spotted a little girl in a witch outfit staring at me. It was a nice moment of reversal, when I was little I loved Ren Faire and wanted  to one day have a costume other people noticed. On Saturday, I was the witch a little girl wanted to be when she grew up. I almost won a place on the jury for the Trial and Dunk but we think the screaming match was "planted" because they ended up dunking the girl who won against me. We made fun of the final joust constantly as it gets more and more ridiculous over the years.

Photo by Hugh Casey

We made the long drive back to the Globe to drop off Mom, and got changed for Dorian's Parlor. October Dorian's is my other "anniversary" with Wes, because that is where we met for the first time in person. We actually met online on a popular dating site, it's amazingly accurate in telling you which weirdos, geeks, and perverts you are compatible with.
The picture on the side bar is the girl Wes met last Dorian's, I think it's safe to say what he saw is what he got. I wore the wings and the shoes again this year, but have since gotten a few new costume pieces, I'll add a picture from this year when Hugh Casey uploads them. It was an interesting "turn over" I suppose, Zac & Angela (previously known as Boyfriend Z & Girlfriend A) were there and we had a better time for it! The person cut out of the picture is my ex, who I was heavily involved with last year when I met Wes, but really it was falling apart more than I could have known at the time. He was there on Saturday with his girlfriend, and to some extent being poly changes the way you play with your exes. People talk about polyamory being a somewhat "incestuous" community, so even when you have an especially agonizing breakup it is highly likely you will still have lots of common social ties with your ex. I consider being a poly female as a more difficult challenge in civility than being monogamous, female socialization in general makes girls hate other girls, so much so that we can barely compliment someone's attire without wondering if there is an insult just below the surface. That's not who I am, so even though the ex's girlfriend was actually detrimental to the breakup (hell, it's safe to say we almost certainly loathe each other), I liked her dress and said so to her face. Awkward pleasantries aside, it was a wonderful event!

Our future sponsors for Busts and Trunks Burlesque were vending, so naturally I was extremely excited to see them! The fashion show was in latex, so I was not particularly interested in the clothes themselves, but liked the patterns for use in other fabrics, and was glad to see one of my favorite models there. Favorite is an understatement, she and her twin sister are two of the most beautiful people I have ever seen anywhere. I am talking about movies, TV, magazines, anywhere. So if you want to see me fall all over myself trying to talk to someone, get them to show up at an event. I met them while modeling corsets for Mayfaire Moon at Dorian's last I suppose this is a good time to get to the title theme of the post.

I think I have had a love of corsets from a young age. I grew up exposed to fabulous costumes in the media- Labyrinth, Legend, The NeverEnding Story series, Shirley Temple movies, Interview with a Vampire; but by the time I saw Ever After and Sleepy Hollow I had been attending PA Ren Faire for a few years. PA Ren Faire was my gateway event for many of the things I love now. Costuming, conventions, Shakespeare, D&D, roleplaying in general, but most of all corsets. Today, while responding to my inbox on OKCupid, I had a message from someone asking about the connection. He Said "I was talking to a person the other day who told me there was a lot of overlap between the steampunk and poly crowds in Philly, and that she "didn't know why, but it probably has something to do with corsets". That made me laugh, but do you have a more reasonable explanation?" It made me laugh too, but I had not thought about it before, the "easy" answer sort of comes down to the fact that most geeky events (Ren Faires, Comic Cons, Steampunk) have higher draws for alternative sexual preferences because they appeal to people who are already participating in alternative lifestyles. Wes had it right when I posed the question to Gina, "I think we have Gil to thank for that." "How do you mean" I ask. "Because Dorian's Parlor is like the Island of Misfit Toys."


Athletes, cheerleaders, prom/beauty queens, and whatever else "normal people" do puts them in a position to live mainstream lifestyles- monogamous trophy spouse, 2.5 kids, bachelor parties at strip clubs, football parties on Sunday (yeah, we do that too at the Playhouse), book clubs, Sunday school, soccer moms. Golf vests, khakis, blazers, high heels to go shopping. These "mainstream types" are still very nice, they care about being well rounded, their kids are well rounded, sometimes they're philanthropic humanitarians, they work in soup kitchens and join Boy/Girl Scouts (I was a member for 16 years!), but they live their lives in the center of the "American Dream" sometimes not having a clue what alternative lifestyles or the people living them look like. The alternative? Ren Faires; comic books; Sci-Fi; atheism, paganism, wicca; karaoke at gay bars with Fairies and Drag Queens; D&D; Steampunk; Burlesque, Doms/Subs, dominatrices, polyamorists, pansexuals, GBLT. We wear leather trench coats, corsets, combat boots, top hats, and have rainbow hair, tattoos, and piercings. These alternative groups, when we live in mainstream ones, are not pointed out to us with the instructions "go play" when we are children, so I have no idea how everyone found each other before the great and terrible INTERNET! I guess the options were at Ren Faires, conventions, comic book stores, the school basement, chess club, maybe we even put up flyers?

This was the answer I gave him (the OKC person), trying to be less vague than the broad assessment of social grouping rather than the personality type that would be drawn to corsets. "Hmm, poly and corsets? I can confidently say that the majority of poly women I know love corsets, but I don't know what the connection is actually. I might speculate two unrelated theories about it though. One being that many of the poly women I know are very comfortable with their bodies and their sexuality, for them corsets are not about contorting/forcing their bodies into an unnatural shape, but rather enhancing assets they are proud of. In the right corset, or a well made properly laced corset, women feel fabulously sexy- their posture is improved, there is a sort of kinetic motion that causes a higher rate of hip swaying while walking, proper bust support, and an audience of people giving you very positive feedback. The second possibility, that I am not as familiar with and therefore am guessing, is the submissive side of women in poly. I know very few women who are subs, it is more that I "know of" them and know people who are close to them as the dom in those relationships. This "sub" mentality may draw them to a corset because their partner is attracted to it; it may be a mutual turn on while lacing, or removing, that the dom is in total control of the garment; and also the idea of submitting to the garment itself."

Dorian's Parlor October 2011
Photo by Hugh Casey

People, usually women, ask all the time "Is that actually comfortable, I mean really, honestly?" when they see me wearing a corset. "Yes" I tell them, I would not want to waitress or care for children in a corset, but they are not keeping me from plenty of other damn fun things I like to do, if anything a corset helps.